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Writer's pictureMatt Hanley

Navigating the Fourth Step of AA: A Personal Guide for Growth and Reflection

Recovering from addiction is an ongoing journey, and Alcoholics Anonymous (AA) provides a 12-step program to help individuals find their way to sobriety and personal growth. The fourth step, "Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves," encourages self-reflection and taking responsibility for one's actions. This blog post offers guidance to help you work through the fourth step on your own, with the intention to later share your insights with your sponsor.

Step 1: Identifying Resentments

First, let's dive into resentments. Use the following prompts to explore and understand your resentments:

  • Person/Institution/Situation:

  • What happened (cause of resentment):

  • My role in the situation:

  • How did I contribute to the situation:

  • Did I act out of selfishness, fear, or other negative emotions:

  • What character defects may have played a role in the situation:

Take your time to reflect on each question and write down your thoughts. Being honest with yourself is crucial for growth during this step.

Step 2: Exploring Fears

Next, we'll examine your fears. Use these prompts to help you recognize and understand the fears in your life:

  • Fear (What are your fears? It could be a situation, person, or an aspect of yourself.):

  • Cause (Why do you have this fear? What is the cause or underlying belief?):

  • Impact (How does this fear affect your life?):

  • My Role (What part of your character or behavior contributed to this fear?):

As you work through your fears, remember that admitting and understanding them is an essential part of the healing process.

Step 3: Acknowledging Harm Done to Others

Finally, let's focus on the harm you may have caused to others, including people, institutions, or even yourself. Use the following prompts to help you delve into the impact of your actions:

  • Harmed (Who have you harmed in the past?)

  • Action/Behavior (What did you do to cause harm? Be specific about your actions or behavior.)

  • Impact (What was the impact of your actions on others or yourself?)

  • My Role (What part of your character or behavior contributed to the harm?)

Take responsibility for your actions and be willing to recognize the consequences they may have had on others or yourself.

Conclusion

Working through the fourth step of AA is an opportunity for self-discovery and growth. Remember, the journey of recovery is a personal one, and it's essential to be honest with yourself during this process. Once you've completed your moral inventory using the prompts provided, consider sharing your insights with your sponsor or a trusted friend. This step will help you to gain a deeper understanding of your actions, fears, and resentments, ultimately paving the way for a more fulfilling and sober life. Examples to Get You Started


To help you get started with your own moral inventory, we've provided ten fictional examples for each category: resentments, fears, and harm done to others. These examples are solely for illustration purposes and should be used as a starting point for your own reflections.


Resentments:


Person/Institution/Situation: Former boss

What happened (cause of resentment): Unfairly blamed for a project's failure

My role in the situation: Team lead

How did I contribute to the situation: Failed to communicate effectively with the team

Did I act out of selfishness, fear, or other negative emotions: Fear of admitting mistakes

What character defects may have played a role in the situation: Pride and fear of failure


Person/Institution/Situation: Sibling

What happened (cause of resentment): Borrowed money and never repaid it

My role in the situation: Lender

How did I contribute to the situation: Didn't set clear repayment terms

Did I act out of selfishness, fear, or other negative emotions: Hope that lending money would improve our relationship

What character defects may have played a role in the situation: Codependency and lack of assertiveness


Person/Institution/Situation: Close friend

What happened (cause of resentment): Betrayed my trust by sharing a personal secret

My role in the situation: Trusted friend with sensitive information

How did I contribute to the situation: Shared information without considering potential consequences

Did I act out of selfishness, fear, or other negative emotions: Desire for validation and support

What character defects may have played a role in the situation: Poor judgment and lack of discernment


Person/Institution/Situation: College professor

What happened (cause of resentment): Gave a low grade despite hard work

My role in the situation: Student

How did I contribute to the situation: Procrastinated on the assignment, leading to subpar work

Did I act out of selfishness, fear, or other negative emotions: Fear of not meeting expectations

What character defects may have played a role in the situation: Procrastination and perfectionism


Person/Institution/Situation: Ex-spouse

What happened (cause of resentment): Filed for divorce unexpectedly

My role in the situation: Spouse

How did I contribute to the situation: Failed to address marital issues and communicate openly

Did I act out of selfishness, fear, or other negative emotions: Fear of vulnerability and rejection

What character defects may have played a role in the situation: Avoidance and lack of emotional intimacy


Person/Institution/Situation: Former friend

What happened (cause of resentment): Ended the friendship without explanation

My role in the situation: Friend

How did I contribute to the situation: Ignored warning signs of the friendship's deterioration

Did I act out of selfishness, fear, or other negative emotions: Denial and fear of confrontation

What character defects may have played a role in the situation: Stubbornness and lack of empathy


Person/Institution/Situation: Workplace

What happened (cause of resentment): Denied promotion despite hard work

My role in the situation: Employee

How did I contribute to the situation: Did not communicate career goals with management

Did I act out of selfishness, fear, or other negative emotions: Fear of seeming overly ambitious

What character defects may have played a role in the situation: Lack of communication and fear of rejection


Person/Institution/Situation: Neighbor

What happened (cause of resentment): Played loud music late at night

My role in the situation: Affected neighbor

How did I contribute to the situation: Never approached the neighbor to discuss the issue

Did I act out of selfishness, fear, or other negative emotions: Fear of confrontation

What character defects may have played a role in the situation: Avoidance and passivity


Person/Institution/Situation: Parent

What happened (cause of resentment): Overbearing and controlling behavior

My role in the situation: Child

How did I contribute to the situation: Allowed the behavior to continue without setting boundaries

Did I act out of selfishness, fear, or other negative emotions: Fear of rejection and abandonment

What character defects may have played a role in the situation: Codependency and lack of assertiveness


Person/Institution/Situation: Health insurance company

What happened (cause of resentment): Denied coverage for a necessary medical procedure

My role in the situation: Policyholder

How did I contribute to the situation: Did not fully research the coverage limitations beforehand

Did I act out of selfishness, fear, or other negative emotions: Assumed the company would cover everything without question

What character defects may have played a role in the situation: Complacency and lack of responsibility


Fears:


Fear: Public speaking

Cause: Fear of being judged or ridiculed by others

Impact: Avoidance of situations that require public speaking, limiting career opportunities

My Role: Never practiced public speaking or sought help to improve skills due to fear


Fear: Rejection

Cause: Past experiences of rejection in personal relationships

Impact: Difficulty forming deep connections with others and avoiding vulnerability

My Role: Unwillingness to work on self-esteem and self-worth


Fear: Financial insecurity

Cause: History of financial struggles and lack of financial education

Impact: Constant stress and anxiety about money, leading to poor decision-making

My Role: Not taking the initiative to learn about personal finance and improve financial habits


Fear: Failure

Cause: Perceived expectations from family and society to succeed

Impact: Procrastination and avoidance of taking risks, limiting personal growth

My Role: Not addressing perfectionist tendencies and unrealistic expectations


Fear: Abandonment

Cause: Past experiences of loss and abandonment in relationships

Impact: Difficulty trusting others and forming deep connections, leading to loneliness

My Role: Unwillingness to work on trust issues and self-worth


Fear: Intimacy

Cause: Fear of vulnerability and exposing true self to others

Impact: Superficial relationships and emotional isolation

My Role: Avoiding self-reflection and growth, unwillingness to address emotional barriers


Fear: Aging

Cause: Societal pressures and personal beliefs about the aging process

Impact: Obsession with appearance and denial of the natural aging process

My Role: Not cultivating a healthy mindset about aging and self-acceptance


Fear: Criticism

Cause: Past experiences of harsh criticism and judgment from others

Impact: Difficulty accepting constructive feedback and reluctance to share ideas

My Role: Not addressing self-esteem issues and developing resilience


Fear: Loss of control

Cause: Desire for predictability and order in life

Impact: Inability to adapt to change, leading to increased stress and anxiety My Role: Unwillingness to work on flexibility and coping skills


Fear: Health issues

Cause: Past experiences with illness or witnessing loved ones struggle with health problems

Impact: Constant worry about personal health, leading to anxiety and hypochondria

My Role: Not addressing anxiety and developing healthy coping mechanisms

Harm Done to Others:


Harmed: Childhood friend

Action/Behavior: Spread a rumor about them in school

Impact: Damaged their reputation and caused emotional distress

My Role: Gave in to peer pressure and acted out of insecurity


Harmed: Ex-partner

Action/Behavior: Cheated on them during the relationship

Impact: Loss of trust, emotional pain, and eventual breakup

My Role: Didn't address personal dissatisfaction and emotional needs within the relationship


Harmed: Co-worker

Action/Behavior: Took credit for their work on a project

Impact: Hindered their career growth and damaged their confidence

My Role: Acted out of selfishness and desire for personal advancement


Harmed: Sibling

Action/Behavior: Constantly belittled and criticized their choices

Impact: Eroded their self-esteem and strained the sibling relationship

My Role: Projected personal insecurities onto the sibling


Harmed: Parent

Action/Behavior: Lied about personal issues and hid problems from them

Impact: Damaged trust within the parent-child relationship

My Role: Avoidance of responsibility and fear of judgment


Harmed: Close friend

Action/Behavior: Cancelled plans at the last minute repeatedly

Impact: Hurt their feelings and damaged the friendship

My Role: Prioritized personal interests over the friend's feelings


Harmed: Roommate

Action/Behavior: Consistently failed to pay rent on time

Impact: Financial stress and strain on the living situation

My Role: Irresponsibility and lack of consideration for the roommate's needs


Harmed: Employer

Action/Behavior: Falsified time sheets to receive additional pay

Impact: Financial loss for the company and damaged trust

My Role: Greed and dishonesty


Harmed: Team member in a group project

Action/Behavior: Didn't contribute equally to the project, causing others to pick up the slack

Impact: Increased workload for others and resentment within the group

My Role: Procrastination and lack of accountability


Harmed: Self

Action/Behavior: Engaged in self-destructive behaviors during a difficult period in life

Impact: Physical and emotional harm, damaged relationships, and missed opportunities

My Role: Unwillingness to seek help and address personal issues


These examples are meant to inspire and guide you as you complete your own Fourth Step inventory. Remember, the process is personal, and your experiences may differ. Be honest with yourself and open to growth and reflection as you progress on your journey to recovery. NOTE! If you would like to use this template, feel free to copy this template and then just paste it into a document of your own and get started on your fourth step!


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